The Book – "And he shall build his house"

Building a house requires proper preparation and planning as well as qualified professionals and high-quality building materials which provide the structure with the ability to endure all challenges that come its way as time goes by.

The establishment of a Jewish home – is a spiritual construction; it is the building of a house that will, in time, lead to the erection of yet another Jewish home. When the home is built upon the foundations of Judaism – it must be performed according to a precise plan, and the builders must have the knowledge and skills necessary to actualize that plan and acquire the best building materials possible. It must all be done according to the Holy Torah.

In the book "And he shall build his house", you will find the plan, the builders and the materials needed to assist you in this important task, as the book will accompany you on your journey towards this lofty goal with wisdom and advise.

An article about the book, which appeared in the Orthodox press, reads:

Early Chassidim used to say that the preparation before fulfilling a Mitzvah – is more precious and valuable than the fulfillment of the Mitzvah itself, and that Hashem relates to the Mitzvah according to the sincerity of the preparation. For example, the Mitzvah of lighting the Menorah on Chanukah by a man who has just stepped into his house and hastily lit the candles – cannot be compared to the same Mitzvah that was fulfilled by a man who has immersed himself in Torah and Tefillah for several hours before candle lighting and approaches the lights with awe and anticipation.

We are not qualified to define the importance of the Mitzvahs nor to grade them, as the Sages said: "Be careful to fulfill the smallest Mitzvah just as you fulfill the big and important ones, for you do not know the rewards of the Mitzvahs." However, the effect and the outcome of the Mitzvahs undoubtedly have different levels. This can be seen in the case of a man who is establishing his Jewish home on the foundations of Torah and Chassidus and educates his children to walk in the right path; all the Mitzvahs and good deeds of his future offspring will be in his merit, which amounts to thousands upon thousands of Mitzvahs! Thus, the impact of his original Mitzvah is tremendous.    
  
Our forefather, Avraham, had endured ten unbelievingly difficult trials, but his belief in Hashem was never compromised or questioned. Even so, Hashem expressed his great love and affection for Avraham not over this, but in the context of "And he shall instruct his sons and his household to keep the ways of G-d…"
      

If every Mitzvah requires preparation – then just what kind of preparation does the Mitzvah of building a "bais ne'eman b'Yisrael" require, particularly in our days when so many obstacles are strewn in our path? For the purpose of answering this question has Rabbi Yosef Friedman written his book "And he shall build his house". In it, he provides the necessary tools for those who are embarking on their journey of establishing their new Jewish homes, thus assisting them to fulfill this Mitzvah that Hashem holds so dear.

Rabbi Friedman, the author, is very accomplished in the field and extremely gifted, and has for many years been guiding young men on their way to fulfill the lofty task of building their Jewish homes. He also assists and counsels couples who endure difficulties and hardships during their way to reach that goal. Rabbi Friedman has the endorsement of many Admorim and Rabbanim, and his book has numerous haskamos.
Rabbi Friedman has skillfully written his book 'from the foundations and up' by first and foremost explaining how to lay deep foundations so that the building will be fortified and strong. This is the most important part of the building – as the house can be beautifully decorated exteriorly, but if the foundations were neglected and not build deep enough – the whole house will be brought down by the first wind.

From the book, one can learn what those strong and deep foundations are and which efforts the builder has to invest in the laying of the foundations so that he will be able to announce "I have laid strong foundations!"
Later on in the book, the author discusses mutual giving and how it fortifies and strengthens the building against the strongest of winds. The author specifies how giving has great influence on the relationship and also gives detailed suggestions about how to give, what to give and in which areas to give.  The reader will also find the answer to the million-dollar-question: if giving is so important for a strong relationship – how come there are numerous people out there who have been constantly giving for years, but not only did it not assist them in building a strong and healthy relationship – it even hurt them, and when they found themselves alone after marrying off all their children – their own home collapsed? The answer can be found in the book.

Additionally, the book draws our attention to the different character traits of the human race, and gives us a glimpse of the Divine Wisdom of Hashem who has created the world in this manner.
Here's an example: A person whose wife has expressed her wish to add a room to their apartment by enclosing a balcony, has been saving for a long time to make his crowded apartment a little more spacious for his growing family. After looking for quite a while for a talented foreman, the man finally found someone whom he thought was qualified for the job. But when he invited the foreman to his house, his wife acted very strangely and embarrassed her husband by sending the foreman away without as much as an apology. If you read on, you will understand what brought the wife to behave that way towards her husband and that she did not mean to offend him in the slightest. Many more examples can be found in the book, which demonstrate the differences of various personalities.

Who of us is not familiar with the concept "Kallah Bechamosah", or even "Chassan Bechamiv", which symbolizes the sometimes problematic relationship with the in-laws? In the book the author shows us how we, as Jews, have the power to turn stumbling rocks into stepping stones, and advises us on how to build and maintain strong and healthy relationships with our extended family.
How does one fulfill the Mitzvah of "Shanah Rishonah"? What are the implications of "and he shall take on a new wife…and he should please her"?  

 How should one manage the finances of the household? How can one stay away from borrowing and going into debts? The book answers all these questions and many more; questions which too many couples have been asking themselves and have not, as of yet, found an answer to.

And then comes the most important issue: open communication. How should one communicate with one's spouse?  What is the correct way of doing so? What indeed is communication? What does one do when one encounters not-so-pleasant situations? How can we prevent unpleasant situations from occurring in the first place? Is criticism good or bad? How can we get a message across without hurting anyone's feelings?

All these queries and many others in various topics can be found in this special book that was written by the very gifted and experienced author, Rabbi Friedman. The book "And he shall build his house" has the endorsement of leading Admorim and Rabbanim, and serves as an eye-opener in the challenging path to fulfill the lofty task of building a Jewish home.